Heartbreaking Day

While driving down the road today I saw a lady kneeling by a roadside memorial. I pass this site often and see the tiny white cross with fresh flowers.  The stuffed animals perched in care, waiting.  
Today was a little different.  In the sunshine, a mother was grieving her 17 year old daughter.  May 5th will mark a year since she died in a car wreck. I could almost hear the mother's sobs as she clawed at the grass, reaching for someone who was no longer there.   
In one poignant moment....today had such a bittersweet feeling. I wanted to stop and tell her "She is no longer there" but sometimes heartstrings need a place to tie themselves to on earth.  The empty place needs to be filled somehow until time can soften the edges.  Everyone is so busy living their life.  
Take time for each other and hug your babies.

Really Religion

So someone invited me to comment on religion today.  And politics.  And on a beef stroganoff recipe. The latter one is actually the most entertaining to me.

Religion reared it's head at the lunch table yesterday.  Why don't I go to a church?  Well, the last 2 churches I went to disbanded and decided to split families up.  All in the name of religion. My home church told me that because I had premarital sex, I could not get married there.  Even though the preacher was stealing money left and right....he thought it best to dictate this to me because God told him to.  God, however, did not tell him to stop stealing.

The subject was on if college was making people think twice about going to church.  My children went to college and actually go to church more now than they did previously.  So no. That theory does not hold water.  It holds the key that people are tired of doing things "Just because I said so".

Church is a hotbed of fellowship and spirit.  Any time a group of people join to worship....that is church.  In my eye, it is my choice to read my bible and learn what I can.  I do not need anyone spoon feeding it to me like the local news chooses to do about politics.  I am not saying I will not go back to a church but if there were a pew labeled :"Does not worship well with others" that is where you will find me sitting.  I am rebellious and if given enough time to think on it, will openly disagree with what most regard as "Their way, the only way".  Religion has evolved into one group thinking they are more deserving than another.  My God would never stand for this.

Someone very close to me and very devout to her faith said something that just spoke wonders for me. "There should be no hunger, no want, no basic human need being unmet in ANY community today if a church is in the area to serve their people.  It is the job of man and not the government to see that this is done".  Until that time....until I can go to a church and no one is expecting me to hand them ONLY money....then I think that is the church for me.  I want to see people helping each other.  That is the truest spirit and testament of faith.

Unseen Love At First Sight

As luck would have it, most people never grasp a true expression of love.  It can be a hasty glance. A brush of fingertips that grace lightly across the skin.  At best, passing closely but not too close.  It is like a dance where both the lovers are one step out of time from each other.  Within the same circle but never allowed to touch.
Familiar love and security both fleeting.  Seeking out solace and a place to lay your head on the days when the charade just becomes too much to bear.  The restless heart.  Wanderlust spills from the moon as we tuck our dreams out of sight, night after night after night.
If only our souls could touch just once.

Come here, Lover

If given the chance, I take the dare. 

If it sounds wildly amazing and fun, I am your' girl.  This smacks straight in the face of everything reasonable and sensible and I do not dive often into this pool of delight.  

I am wreckless and impetuous.

I like riding fast with the windows down on a hot Summer night and feeling the wind blow through my hair.

I am quite the handful.

Take a look at the woman you are currently with and be glad you are. 

This description fits her more than you could ever see with your daily eyes of life.

You have to see her with your heart and taste her with a passionate tongue.  

She exists. 

Make her dance.

Make her sing.

I have faith in you that you can.

Reminders

Someone reminded me this morning that I have a blog to keep up with.  I actually have 2 but one does not count unless you can actually figure out how to manipulate the damn thing.

My day has been filled with more sarcasm than the real world should ever have thrown upon it.  I am quite full of myself sometimes. My Momma says this is a defense mechanism.  My dear Momma never knew the art of sarcasm, just the art of guilt.  And never really thrust upon you the way some people lay it on thick and heavy.  She served it best by example.  Slaving away day in, day out to ensure we had the best of everything....she set the bar so damn high.  

I find myself looking at others with 'her look'.  It is never one of failure but of knowing that somewhere deep inside, is the ability to exceed even what you thought was unobtainable.   When I see her working so hard to just stay alive, I am reminded of the stock from which I was born.  My mother's family was beyond poor but rich in family.  I cannot say they were overflowing with love.  They had their moments but somehow the kids were always shielded from the ugliness of grownup ways.  I have cousins that would kill for me and not think twice about it.  I have one who sleeps peacefully in a cemetary and my heart aches for him.  He died defending a friend.

 When I see my Momma laying there just trying to breathe, I am reminded of how much she fought to keep me.  How when she was just a child herself, she decided to have me and worked two jobs to ensure we had everything we needed to live.  My name, Lucinda, is her gift to me.  She named me after her favorite girl nieces: Linda, Wanda, Cynthia & Rita.  

These next few weeks, months and holidays will be hard reminders of how much I have missed while trying to carve out a life and identity for myself to only be reminded that even if I fail, I am my mother's daughter and that I am loved. Always. 

Sweet Southern Memories

My Momma's health has been in decline over the last few years so it is hard for her to face being unable to prepare the traditional holiday meal for us.  It usually falls on my sister and myself to do the cooking.  It is wonderful to be able to do this but it never tastes the same as when my Momma cooks.  Never ever.  The lady can stand there in the kitchen, oversee the whole operation, but if she never picks up a spoon....nope.  Not the same.  

I am a sentimental person.  

This next statement will sound morbid but oh well.  When a family member passes away, I ask for something out of their kitchen.  A bowl, a spoon, a utensil, a recipe, especially the recipes.  

Coming from a traditional Southern family has taught me that true love comes straight from the kitchen. 

When holidays approach, I need to feel the love that transcends generations.  I have my Aunt Betty's casserole dish. My Grandmother's Depression Glass serving bowls, My Maw Maw's serving spoons.  These are the people I think of when I reach for this piece or that and do my very best to honor their memory when I serve my friends and family.

Each piece has a story to tell.

I hope my children pass these stories along.

My thoughts, you are welcome.

It occured to me that I have some things to say that, in my head, need to be placed on paper.

People are human.  We easily forget that.  

It comes with made up rules, religions, and common ground.  We all tend to flock toward those that believe the same way we do, laugh at the same things and grieve over the same things... on occassion. 

When someone makes a mistake, there are those who forgive even though they do not know how to.  We hold things inside until we are ready to explode and have no idea where it comes from. There are ghosts in our past and horrors that can fill the tallest buildings.  We all need our places to vent, release and turn the demons lose.  We need to learn how to forgive ourselves for whatever shortcomings society has placed on our doorstep.  It is never shameful to ask for help or to lend an ear but do so with heart and hope.

I have friends that are grieving the death of a marriage.  The impending outcome due to a loved one's battle with cancer. The child that has become ill with no hope of recovery.  We all have our challenges in life but how you handle the outcome makes all the difference in the world.  Fight a good fight and keep love in your eyes... always.  It is so easy to become bitter and angry.  There are some things in life that we never fully recover from but with time, the edges can become softer and easier to reflect on.  Find peace in those memories and embrace tomorrow.