I Hope This Is The Last Funeral For A While....I'm All Out of Black

Sometimes I despise Facebook.
Upon hearing the news of an old friend's death, via Facebook, I shut my computer down.  I did not want to give evil another avenue to reach me.
I gave the news the proper respect and mournfulness it deserved.  There are people I would not cry over even if you paid me to.  I am not cruel but it just takes a certain type of person to prompt me to cry.  That person would be William.

In high school, we were classmates.  We had 2 classes together and he was the shy kid.  He and his buddies were inseparable.  There are people who you just wish big and wonderful things for.  That would be William.

It's funny how you can pull a fragment out of your memory and it is just "there". I can still hear his infectious laugh.  His laugh and his crystal eyes were timeless.  Gray hair and wrinkles all faded from view when he was around.  We were kids again.

We were friends & neighbors.

The circumstances of his death bother me more than anything: Suicide.

How could this boy, who could make you laugh with ease and be so kind, commit this selfish tragedy?

Recently remarried, recently returned from a trip visiting with family, were there not signs or signals that someone missed?  Cues overlooked that could have saved him?
There have been 3 suicides in my extended circle of friends and family.
Trying to make sense of it all is not going to bring them back.

My friend, after hearing my news of this, said "Well, people say if you commit suicide, you go to Hell.  I think if you are prepared to do something like this, you are already in Hell."

In talking with a member of the clergy, the very liberal clergy, I would care to add......we discussed this after my Dad's friend committed suicide "in front" of his family.  Parenthesis are there because his wife had walked into the garage just out of view when he shot himself.  I asked Preacher Man about this because I said "I think it is a selfish and desperate act." Preacher Man was quick to tell me that desperate people do tragic things and their mind may not be in the right place.
We are quick to not understand the difference between a blessing and being fortunate.
And prayers are involved.

Preacher Man told me about sitting bedside with terminally ill patients in Hospice.  Their family prays & prays for a cure.  When so much hangs in the balance, you become desperate.  You can ride the precipice of having great Faith or no Faith at all.  This is why some people just lose their way completely after a tragic happening.  They feel like they have been abandoned by God or a higher power because things did not go their way.  Sometimes death is a blessing.  We cannot possibly know the scope of what is to be.  So many raw emotions happen and it clouds judgement.  It clouds reasoning.  It exposes your soul.  I know there is scripture that outlines this but because I am not versed in the bible....this is my way to reason things out.

The best thing you can wish for and bestow upon everyone in this situation is peace.  There is a comfort that comes with knowing that through all the pain and suffering, something straight from the heart has been done.  No more pain. No more suffering. No more tears.

So tomorrow I will grieve as we bury the person I once knew as William.  The boy with the infectious laugh and crystal eyes. I wish you peace.  Always.