Moving Things

Last weekend was spent moving things around. I have a study in the basement that I use for a bead studio.  I accidentally opened an old journal.  It should have stayed buried.  In it, someone else lives. She used to draw and paint. She used to make plans for things that were never going to happen.  
Have you ever been in the heat of making plans only to realize they were coming to fruition as you spoke?  It is a little weird. 
I had small children back then. I had lots of hopes & plans for them.  Just getting the oldest graduated was really all I saw sight of.  Now he prospers.  
I think gardens grow the same way. We work the soil and prepare the ground. Place the seeds carefully just so deep and then wait.  We look and water. Water and wait.  Then one day, when we just glance around: flowers.  Everywhere.  An occasional weed sprouts here and there but you cannot have good without bad.  
People tend to be the same way. 
Compliments given usually fall on deaf ears.  People have a hard time believing that someone could see anything except what they believe in themselves.  We tend to believe the negative over the positive.  Human nature, modesty & ego.  It's like a powerful trifecta of trouble.  
It is hard to let go of old feelings and to decipher what you are actually feeling, hearing and are capable of.
Lately I have found myself being less of a friend to some.  I am not sure if it is a survival/defense mechanism or what. I am tainting the well and I do not like it.  
Re-prioritizing and overthinking is what I do best.  Apparently.
I cannot get a handle on just being quiet.  I have to keep poking it with a stick until it is a mangled mess.  Just walk away.  Quiet the voices and keep your head down.
That is what I will strive to do.  
Wish me luck.