I find myself trying to define "me" daily.
In my best effort, I gently have to say "That just isn't me." Labels. Tags. Methods. They all work in formula and theory.
I really don't think I have horns but others would disagree. Loudly.
I am rarely allowed to be just me. I am usually someone's friend/parent/support/keeper of secrets. I rarely get the chance to just be.
I want a person I can just be "me" with.
No excuses. No apologies if I use my shirt sleeve to dab the corners of my mouth. I don't want to have to explain myself. I don't want to have to carry this weight myself.
I see life and people in very different colors.
I will never comply to everyone's vision of me.
I laugh loudly at the most inappropriate jokes & movies. I take comfort in the dark as it camouflages my face. There is safety in numbers when people sit in judgement.
I listen to people comment on things daily and I know they rarely tell the truth.
If I care enough to ask a question, someone should care enough to give me an honest answer.
I ask for a reason. I am curious and want/need to know.
Casual conversation escapes most people. It is an art. Anyone can talk. Taking the time to listen takes effort and very few people expend the energy that is needed.
How sad is that?
Casual conversation really is an art. I have no talent for it with most people. I'm also not as good a listener as I want to be, but I am doing better. I don't know that there's ever just one person you can be your whole self with, because we're not one person, we're composites. I can be most of myself with M, but my spiritual side comes out with others because spirituality isn't part of M's life, she doesn't believe in a higher power, or just doesn't know if one's there.
ReplyDeleteThe things we realize later in life.....I never self-anaylzed because I never thought enough about what I was doing or how I was even accepted. Virtual world has opened up so many aspects of things for me because, being the curious sort I am, I needed more than National Geographic delivered in a monthly issue.
DeletePeople are so advanced but yet so not.
If I have to sit through one more meeting of someone telling me something I don't want to deal with or hear....I think I will become very verbal.
Listening is an art.
I love casual convo. Nothing like talking and laughing. Just sitting around drinking coffee and eating corn dogs together. Good times!
ReplyDeleteI love laughing with you.
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