Colors

After this weeks eye scare, I was faced with wondering "what-if"?  

I suffered a retinal aneurysm maybe due to high blood pressure or diabetes or just a random spike in awesomeness.  If that last one were true, I could expect it to happen again.

I was left wondering what would be the things I would miss? My life relies completely on vision and color. I couldn't play on my fabulous iPhone. I would never get to see my-new-to-be-here in September grand child.  I would never get to see the sun shine on my lover's face.  There is so much color in my life, I think my soul would just die.  These are frightening thoughts but when you are faced with so much uncertainty, you realize there are things that cannot be unseen. Color fills my soul with music.

I think my love of color comes from my mother.  My poor mother is losing her battle with life. It will be one more hospital stay, one more treatment, one more this & that.  I stay away from her because it breaks my heart to see her waste away and become so bitter.  She is in pain all the time and I know this is not the life she wanted but more the one she has settled for.  My best friends know how much this kills me.... to sit by and see her in this pain-suspended until we get giddy with false hope... then death will steal her away from me.  

My Dad says as you get older, you go to more funerals than you go to weddings.  My old dive Daddy said he did not go to hospitals, weddings or funerals because you lose friends at all three.  So not fair. We buried him 2 years ago.  I hope no one else has to go through all this pain but I know it comes into all of our lives. It is our job as the living to take care of the sick and the ailing.  We preserve memories the best way we can. We tuck memories away like movie ticket stubs and reflect back on them when our hearts need a place to go.  Where we can go and soak up colors, faded, but still  heartwarming.