Copy, Paste & Delete A Life

With the push of a few buttons, I can create-share-delete a life. If it were only easy to do the same with a memory, that would be bliss.  I gave this post a full hour to come to a rambling life.
Here we go:

I have often shared my lifetime of experiences with some who cared to hear. I am one of those "helpful" people who think that no one should struggle when someone can either ease the burden or at least have someone else learn from my same mistakes but I have no idea how to save myself.
Ironic, isn't it?
I take time out of my life…out of my family's life….to save someone who really could care less.  Do I make a difference? That isn't for me to say.
Moving on…..

I (somehow) completely forgot about meeting one of my cousins who was coming in to town. Thankfully she called before she arrived so I was able to meet up with her. It has been over 40 years since I saw her last.  (I know…I was just a baby when she left;-) We have recently reconnected via the internet and we share the common bond of family but in essence, we are strangers. Her laugh is one I could recognize out of millions.  It is funny how memories can be sparked by sounds, scents and places.  The world scatters us amongst it's corners but we still have that connection.

I was named after most of my female cousins. A feat I have no idea how my mother came up with but she was the youngest girl of 9 children and she was resourceful. We take so much for granted but our stepping stones of the past are the stock of which we are made.  Like pieces of a puzzle that fit nicely together.  Holiday's cement the nostalgia and create memories for future generations.  I have recipes that have been handed down for years. Nothing ever really changes.

This Thanksgiving, my Momma did not make it down to the dinner table for dinner.  She was not able to prepare the meal but she wanted it to be at her house….for one last time.  She knew we would need that memory.  Hospice provided a huge portion of the meal.  To them, I am grateful.  They allowed her to keep her dignity because any Southern woman who is not able to cook in her own kitchen is heartbreaking.  Each year, my sister & I threaten to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner.  Years ago, I went to the beach for Thanksgiving.  It was the worst holiday ever.  We had to eat steak because none of the restaurants there served traditional Thanksgiving fare…actually there were only 2 restaurants open on the island that day because it was off-season.  We thought it would be great to just "get away" but the kids had a better idea of not messing with tradition.  So many minutes and memories we take for granted.

I have scores of old photographs. I love the memories that come back to me when I look at those faces and remember.  There will be a time when that is all that is left for my children & grand children to cherish.  My son asked that instead of exchanging big gifts this year, we could do stuff the entire month of December to make new memories and share some time together.
At times, I wonder who this child belongs to.

I continued my "Month of Thanks" through today because it was the opportune time to tell someone that in a "6-degrees of you" way, I was thankful for their being instrumental in enabling me to  meet a true friend.
I labeled my true friend as 'my salvation'.  I never faltered with the description.  It was just "there". Inside my little head.  After I finally looked up the meaning, I realize now it is more true than I could have ever hoped for:
salvation |salˈvāSHən|noun:deliverance from sin and its consequences, believed by Christians to be brought about by faith in Christ.• preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss:
That last part was the sting to this whole thing.  He truly has delivered me from harm, ruin, or loss.  When someone you trust pushes you to the edge of your sanity-where else is there to go?  For no matter how much good there is in your life-the dark will always be there.  It is never far away.  It hides in a bottle of pills or a bottle of booze. It creeps around in the negativity you freely spout and share with others.  It kills your soul.  My friend points me in the right direction and shows me what gifts & talents I have to give to others and to myself when I feel less than worthy of even drawing a breath.
He has restored my happiness and my faith.
Happiness is a powerful and freeing thing.
Faith makes your spirit soar.
And for that, my heart is most thankful.