After careful observation, it has been noted (ahem) that my presence on here has been lacking. It were as if I had decided to run away from my problems and leave everything far behind. If only life were that easy to deceive.....
I went to the edge of the world and it still wasn't far enough away. I left everything behind except one small suitcase. What is all this "stuff" here?
When I visit older relatives and see all the things they care for and cherish......are they holding on to possessions? No. They are holding on to memories.
I keep old cards and photographs. I relive life on my cell phone and on my camera. I re-read old text messages and emails. These are a source of uplift and heartache. They are my anchors. Some days, they are my chains.
I found some profound wisdom sitting in a theatre...uttered by a character in the midst of blahblahblahing..... that the mind lives in the past. It is selective in what it cares to remember and play in but the heart is forced to live in the present....here and now.
Earlier in the week, I was invited to watch a video about how to gain 10 extra years in your life. 5 things that people end up regretting on their death-bed is killing us all. It was profound. Then the 5 things that people who have had a post-tramautic GROWTH did 5 things that counteracted the 5 death-bed regrets. Sadly, I live in the post-tramatic growth phase of life. I say sadly because everyone around me is afraid to live. They are too busy being regretful and losing out on their 10 years of gained life that you are suppose to garner when you follow the steps. If some of these people are given 10 years extra, they will just make themselves miserable or make others around them so....someone will kill them. They needn't worry about how to spend those 10 extra years.
I often fantasize about how and with whom I would spend these years. It never goes like..."Hey, I could go to Walmart." No. Mine is more along the lines of "I want to see the sun set and the sun rise on someone and know that I have made a difference in their life." Or "I hope my kids find every ounce of happiness that is available in life and beyond."
The only material thing I have ever wished for personally was a new computer and only because in my line of "work", it would make my life so much easier since I spend hours in a week cussing at this laptop. I keep hoping for an Apple Fairy.
I hear an ocean calling my name and therefore, am heeding the call. If anything should ever happen to me, I have asked to be cremated and my ashes scattered at sea. Then I can be a real mermaid. I won't need the Mac then.
